On Courage in Words..

Two in one day, son.

I'm a huge fan of retreats. There was so much hype in high school surrounding a retreat called Kairos that it ended up being a disappointment to me. It just didn't reach me at the level everyone spoke it would; and I felt I had been on retreats that were just better.

Anyway, there was one lesson I got from Kairos that I still remember today: Don't be afraid to face your own emotions. Don't be afraid to 'talk real' with other people. Don't be afraid to cry. Don't brush off your own feelings, whatever those feelings may be.

This comes to play so much right now as people continue to move away from this place I've called home for four years, comes to play as people who are a part of my home move away. My roommate of 3 years moved out yesterday, and our final farewell felt like any ordinary farewell. A "later", a "I'll give you a call", a handshake, that's it. I think it's so easy for us to take the safe route because we're afraid we might get personal with people. We don't like to feel uncomfortable, we don't like to be in places we're normally not, and that's why it gets so hard to say things of meaning to someone, face-to-face.

In a book of life lessons by Mister Rogers (yes, THE Mister Rogers), he says this:

"If I'm sad about something, and I dismiss my sadness by saying, "Oh, well, it was for the best," then I'm probably not willing or able to explore how I'm feeling. If I'm angry with someone, and I say, "Oh, it doesn't mater, I don't care," then I probably don't know what I'm really feeling.

On the other hand, if we can allow ourselves to be gentle with ourselves no matter what our feelings may be, we have the chance of discovering the very deep roots of who we are."

What I should have said in my last moments as Ryan's roommate is this: "It's been a privilege. It's sad to think our run together is over. You've taught me a lot about myself, the world and about random things like Bob Dillon. I know we'll stay in touch. You can call me on Sunday's like you call other members of your family. Because in these past 4 years here in Berkeley, you've been more my family than anyone else. I'll always appreciate that." And after I would've shed a couple tears, and give a huge hug that lasts more than 10 seconds.

Really, I should have.

Anyway, point is: don't be afraid to tell someone what your feeling, no matter how sappy it is, how sad you may feel... or even if it's to confront someone about something you've been feeling... don't be afraid to come face-to-face with real feelings just because it's out of the ordinary and uncomfortable because real feelings are the element of real conversation, and real conversations are the element of real relationships.