Rationalizing in my Head

Last December, I would've laughed in your face if you told me I'd choose option 1. In fact, the me of last December would slap the Me of Now.

The Me of Last December says:

You're too young to be this settled. Any path towards stagnancy for another year should be avoided. Your 20's is a time of growth, and how can you achieve growth if you're choosing to stand pat on all dimensions of life? Your job is the same. Your place of work is the same. Your spaces are the same. Your city is the same. You need to experience new things, hang w/ new folks, put yourself in situations where you'll face new struggles and new triumphs all for the purpose of growth. No one, nothing, restricts you to live your life where you are now - so why do you choose to do so?

The Me of Now says:

It's tough to start fresh at a new school - fighting an uphill battle to establish yourself as a young teacher. You'd be the new guy once again - the new teacher. A fresh young face students and teachers will question - "this new kid has no idea what he's getting into." It's teacher kid versus becoming an established 3rd year vet at a campus I've grown to love. Foreal, Skyline is beautiful. Years of teaching experience at one school are priceless. The relationships you've developed w/ colleagues, w/ students & ex-students, w/ the space itself. The teacher rep I've built is much too difficult to let go. I just don't feel that I'm done here.

And Berkeley isn't a bad place. Far from it. In fact, my appreciation for this city never blossomed until graduating. The trees, the cafes, the running routes, the parks. And my apartment ain't too bad neither. A bike ride away from anything I need. A residential neighborhood. Far away from campus so I don't feel so much like a graduate who's being pushed too leave. 20 minute commute from work. Easy parking for my visitors, dope neighbors, etcetera all for under $600 a month. Can I really find something better at that price?

The Wildcard in all this:

Is London. I'll be spending 9 weeks across the globe, exploring spaces, places, & people all on my own. The Winant acceptance letter altered my need for change. I'll be out of my element. I'll be away from EVERYONE I know. I'll be in an entirely new place. I have no idea what to expect and I love it. It's exactly what I wanted; exactly what I needed.

And it's difficult to orchestrate a new life for me this fall if I'm gone all summer. I don't even see how it's possible.

--

I KNOW I'm setting myself up for a period next fall where I wish I took advantage of x or y opportunity, but the countdown to London ticks at a blistering pace (23 days) and this may be the best option I've got at the moment.

...or maybe it's better to live life unplanned for once...